Friday, September 30, 2011

Fancy Man with the Hat

One day, in Teletubby Land, justGeorge decided to wear a stupid hat.

So he tried.

But this was no ordinary, stupid hat. This was the magical-stoopid-person-with-no-brains-hat. This was a paradox. If justGeorge wanted to wear the magical-stoopid-person-with-no-brains-hat, he'd have to lose his brains. But this was simply impossible. His brains were immovable. They would not be budged.

Also, there was another dilemma: justGeorge's will was unstoppable. Therefore, it was impossible for justGeorge to NOT wear the hat. But, then again, it was impossible for justGeorge to wear the hat at all.

So justGeorge was in the middle of an only theorized situation: what would happen if an immovable force meets an unstopable object? Time seemed to slow to a crawl as justGeorge was about to put on the hat. Jeers and scorners stood from the sidelines and laughed at justGeorge.

"Ha! You don't have any brains, so you'll be able to put the stupid hat on!"

Another voice taunted him as well.

"It's impossible for your will to be so strong that you defy laws of physics!"

justGeorge would not listen to them. He had the determination of steel, (steel that actually has determination, and a lot of it, not just a lump of metal) and he wasn't backing down.

Just before the hat reached his head, justGeorge had a thought.

I could potentially destroy the world with my shenanegans. I need to sacrifice my will for the good of humanity.

But it was too late.

justGeorge was just one molecule of space away from touching the hat with his head.

Suddenly a bright light shown from heaven. Bruce Lee came down on the wings of angels and softly landed on the ground in front of justGeorge. Time froze in that instant. Helpless, justGeorge tried to pry himself from his current time-space but to no avail - he was trapped.

Bruce Lee scowled at justGeorge for even attempting something so foolish. After staring justGeorge down for what felt like thirty seconds (but was actually 0 seconds because of the time freeze) he kicked justGeorge in the face, and unfroze time.

justGeorge flew back 3.2754 meters and grabbed his head in pain. He had not expected that Bruce Lee would enforce his "no paradox" rule, but it was too late. justGeorge had already been kicked in the face.

But wait.

If Bruce Lee could stop time, couldn't he make himself go backwards in time as well? justGeorge hoped that this was true because he came up with another plan.

"Hey!" he shouted at the four-foot martial artist, "C'mere and do a backflip. That'll show you're a man, not kicking poor white guys."

Bruce Lee was enraged. He did a 30-flip backflip in the air. As justGeorge predicted, the world started to spin. Everyone's vision became blurry. The world faded out of view.

Suddenly the world was 30 seconds younger. justGeorge prepared himself. With one hand he still held the magical-stoopid-person-with-no-brains-hat and with his other hand he held it out like a fist. justGeorge started to put on the hat again.

As predicted, Bruce Lee decended from heaven, but in the same location that he did before. This was his mistake. Even though Bruce Lee stopped time, justGeorges fist was still suspended in midair, waiting to strike. Bruce Lee ran his face in justGeorge's fist.

Bruce cried out and let time flow normally. justGeorge ran off toward the mountains. But Bruce wouldn't let him go that easily.

Bruce did a 55-forward-flip in the air. Just before touching the ground, justGeorge saw his plan and stuck out his elbow. Suddenly 55 seconds of time disappeared in an instant. justGeorge was standing over Bruce Lee victoriously.

Bruce Lee had ran into justGeorge's elbow and had killed himself in a non-existant moment of time.

So technically Bruce Lee never died, but is dead right now.

justGeorge shrugged. T'wernt his problem to clean up the mess. Besides, he should have learned his lesson from martial arts movies: never cheat when fighting.

The End

Wednesday, September 28, 2011

Stoopid Person

I like paper
It makes me happy

And I'm happy and I know it
So I'll clap my hands

Or stomp my feet
or shout hurray

But I'm not happy
Because I don't have paper

only a computer screen

Another justGeorge Poem dedicated to the Tooth Fairy

Saturday, September 17, 2011

Crazy Guy

So I was roaming on my road trip accross America to my lake house (that I claim is my aunt's) when I stopped at a gas station. When I exited from my Corvette, I saw a group of rednecked-gun-tote'n'-ruffians standing outside the door.

I tried to walk through them to get inside. One of them, the biggest of his kind, stopped me.

"Where do you think yer go'n'?"

I looked at the unusual man. He had a lumberjack jacket on with a bong hanging out of his mouth. He hadn't shaved ever since... never. His eyes looked like they were on fire... years ago. Now they were burnt out. I swallowed.

"I think I'm getting a coca-cola, because I enjoy its cold goodness as seen on its TV commercials."

He looked at the other guys.

"Listen, you're not getting into this here store without three challenges."

"Pshaw, only three challenges. For me, there should be... 5000 challenges!"

He squinted at me.

"There will be but one challenge... the ultimate arm wrestle! So... ya wanna rastle?

I squinted back. My answer was almost automatic. Of course I was ready. I could do 500 push ups, while one of the Keebler elves was watching TV on my back. I could do so many pull-ups that I could pull the bar down instead. I was ready. I answered him.


I turned and ran into my rich-person car and drove off, leaving a trail of dust behind me.

This story is NOT based on a real story about another person. NOR do hoboes have corvettes. I really LIKE to use capital LETTERS.

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Final Countdown

A poem by justGeorge

The snow fell down
and I couldn't understand
why snow is falling
in the summer

The rain fell down
and the floods came up
But there wasn't even
a cloud in the sky

Oh, I forgot.
I'm watching a movie

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Crazy Foo

YOU are the crazy foo.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Mario Party 10: This time for the kill

Nintendo has just announced the release of Mario Party 10. Do I hear a-whooping and a-hollering coming from some obscure source? Because if YOU are the one who's cheering, then you are an idiot(too bad for I was cheering right then too).

Nintendo has not announced anything yet. I just lied. And it felt good.

Aren't I annoying?

Well, most of you people could care less how mario likes to party. So back to real news...

Obama has just released that he's NOT running for re-electin in 2012! I know! Surprising things are happening left and right (actually only on the left, but that's a different story).

I lied again.

Ah... good times.


Thursday, September 1, 2011

How Electricity Works

Simply put, electricity works like this:

If I have a coconut, then I'll go coo-coo for that coconut. Then I will convince myself that it is grrrrrreat (but it probably won't be). Eventually my love for this coconut will drag me into the mysticism of coconuts. I'll consider it a "lucky charm" and anyone who disagrees with me, I'd say "cheerio ol' chap!".

Or, if I have a coconut and if it's considered a fruit, then I'll throw it high in the air in a circular arc. This is commonly known as a "fruit loop" in which the coconut will fall and hit the head of a famous seafaring individual (in this case it is a ship captain). The captain's skull will be fractured after a horendous *crunch* sound emminates from his cranium cap. This will cause an outbreak of insanity within that individual and will get his Kix from being a cereal killer. His joy in Life would be to act kinda cookie krisps in the head (if you know what I mean). His various nicknames would include: "captian crunch" and "the nutty oat".

Or, the last possibility, this could happen:

Your coconut could act like a "crazy cow" and go all "ET cereal" and land on King Vitamin's head. Thinking that it is a "fruity pebble" would asssume that a "monster [cereal] has attacked him. So he'd send Mr. T, ET, The Ghostbusters, and Pac-man (all with their faces on boxes) to attack the neighboring kingdom of Quake to attack the passive-aggressive quakers, and their quangaroo animal friends. But stormy weather and a series of onimonipias stopped them from ever crossing the borders. With a *snap* *crack* and a *pop* the invasion was not successful.

And that's just a basic summary of electricity. If you want something a little more... insightful, this is not the place to look.