Sunday, May 29, 2011

Pencil of DOOOOOM!!

justGeorge was writing down a 1-800 number from a stupid commercial when the red pencil ran out of ink. I put my pencil on the desk and got out the electric sharpener. Then I picked it up from my coffee table and started sharpening it by hand. But I didn't get to write down the number before the radio switched to a different commercial.

In a fit of rage, I threw my blue pencil on the wooden floor. But I decided to stop being so mad; I could get that toaster they were advertising for later. So I picked my yellow pencil from the shag carpet and started to write a story on my computer using word. However, while I was using paint, the power went out, instantly turning on my computer.

I was so mad that I threw the computer through the barred window, instantly shattering the amazing stained glass. From then on I had to borrow the my friend's computer from the library. While I was typing this blogpost from home, I walked to the store and bought another purple pencil. While I was walking back, I finished the story and published it on YouTube.

This made me think back to the stupid washer / dryer combo that was advertised for online, who's 1-866 number I couldn't remember. I smiled at the sad memories and sat down my couch. While sitting on my bed, I eventually fell asleep, daydreaming about waking up.


And that... is the most confusing story in the world.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Utter nonsense

Lorem ipsum vim ut utroque mandamus intellegebat, ut eam omittam ancillae sadipscing, per et eius soluta veritus.


Translation:

Lovely idiots vigorously YouTube the mandates of intelligent bats. YouTube eats and omits the ancient sadists because of the solution of vertebrae.


That makes sense.

Eat more Chiken

You should eat birds and their eggs, just because you know there's no harm in doing so. Cows can kick yer butt. But birds will never get angry. I mean really, who's ever heard of Angry Birds?

Monday, May 23, 2011

Turdatubbies

Tinkle Wee-wee
Drippy
Plop-plop
Poo

Turdatubbies
Turdatubbies

Big Dump!


(Lights go back on)

"And that," he said turning off the projector, "is our new little kid show theme song. Whaddya think?"

(sound of a gunshot)

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Nose

I gots a nose.

Friday, May 13, 2011

Hi #10

Hi

Yossama Bin Bidin' His Time

Crazy things happen when people learn about the Middle East. Really. Today justGeorge learned about the true details on what happened with the Yomama Ben Ladden.

True, Yomama Ben Ladden is dead, but justGeorges has to inform you how he died. Listen carefully:

The day began with another video by Yomama. He always skyped the US Pentagon before eating breakfast. He wasn't very smart, assuming that the US couldn't catch him. All they had to do was look at his house number and find the address (even tents have house numbers over there).

Well, the Special Women's Arabian Team (SWAT) showed up, protesting Sharia law. Yomama was unprepared for the SWAT team to show up, so he did the smartest thing he could do in that case.

He ran.

Leaving behind his Wheaties Cereal (breakfast of champions) he dashed from his circus tent and out into the desert, with the angry woment close behind him. He ran until he came to an artificial river (courtesy of Allah). There he was trapped, or so everyone thought.

Instead, Yomama suprised everyone. He took out a staff from thin air, and waved it above his head. He muttered a few voodoo phrases pointed at the water. Suddenly the water parted! Yomama ran between the waves, thankful that he had been so lucky.

The mob behind him, along with the entire US Pentagon (they had finally had enough of Yomama's prank calls). So they started to chase him through the river. Unfortunately for all of them, this "miracle" was actually a natural phenomenon caused by radiation from Iranian Nuclear Power Plants. So, after a few seconds, the water returned and drowned all of them.

So that's what really happened, despite what the government's been telling you. Sure, they shot his body a few times for show, but he really drowned because he thought he was Moses.

THE END

? Has been cancelled

The government was nice and gave me back my blog post, after thoroughly editing it. But.... whatever. I'm happy with my propoganda and subliminal messages sent through to me by my television.

?

Apparently my post about Yomama Bin Ladden has been deleted. Whether this is by the government for being rediculously funny, or by someone hacking again is really unclear. Perhaps the government would be so kind as to give me back my awesome post...

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Brand New Innovative Idea: Word Processor Company

justGeorge has decided to make a word processing company. I think I'll call it Macrosoft, after my great-grandpa or something.

I need a vice president. Contact me if ya want to become the second richest person eva.

Guest Post Thing

The sun rose up slowly over Semi-happy-people Land. The sunrise created a beautiful rainbow sky, glorifying gay pride in the most obvious way (apparently the Sun God was Greek). The birds were singing without being autotuned, and thus unable to compete in the music industry. The citizens of Semi-happy-people Land were waking up, and they weren't happy about it.


One of the most angry of these semi-happy people was a man by the name of Crazy Bob. Crazy Bob was always angry about something. If the air had too much oxygen in it, he would get angry at that. If there were too many fish in the ocean, he would get angry over that too.


So pretty much he was always angry.


This day was no exception. Today Crazy Bob was angry about being angry. So he decided to take his anger on pedesrians as he drove to work.


Listening to the soft thumping sounds beneath his tires eventually got on his nerves, so he turned on the tunes. Unfortunately, the station was playing rap music, and Crazy Bob did not like rap (It's mostly because the people that rap talk too fast, and he can't understand them.). So Crazy Bob turned off his radio and decided to walk to work instead.


Later that day, Crazy Bob showed up to his job as a construction worker. The foreman noticed he was late, but decided to confront Crazy Bob about it later.


So Crazy Bob started working on the plumbing for the new house that was being put up. Unfortunately for him, someone had turned on the whole plumbing system without him knowing it. So now, if anyone were to flush the toilet in the house, it would of course shoot through the system of tubes and spray the unlucky victim who was close to the nearest open tube.


Well, I'm sure all of you non-idiots know how this is going to turn out.


So Crazy Bob was busy connecting pipes when one of the other pipes happened to be pointing toward him. Suddenly the pipe started shaking. It was almost as if something large and disgusting was shooting out.


All of a sudden from the pipe out popped........ Super Mario! (what else were you expecting?)


Mario shouted something in a foreign language (a mixture of italian and japanese, I think) and jumped on Crazy Bob's head. Then he ran back down the pipe.


Crazy Bob was enraged, mostly because he was a racist and hated italian people that were taking his american jobs. So, in an attempt to keep his job security ran after him. Just as Super Mario went down the tube, Crazy Bob got there. Crazy Bob was only a few seconds away from catching him.


Crazy Bob peered down the pipe. It was empty. It was almost as if Super Mario had used the pipe to instantly teleport himself to another land.


But while Crazy Bob was gawking at the supernatual phenomenons that are common in video games, a large quantitiy of sewage traveled throught the pipe and sprayed Crazy Bob in the face.


This made Bob go bananas. He grabbed a hammer from his trusty tool chest and started brandishing it like a lunatic. He jumped on top of a stack of cardboard boxes. With fire in his eyes and a large hammer in his hands, he shouted, "STOP!"


The workplace came to a halt, and all eyes were on the maniac who had placed himself dangerously high on cardboard boxes.


Crazy Bob, eventually convinced that he had the attention of his co-workers continued shouting, "Hammer time!"


Then he jumped down from several feet in the air, prepared to start attacking people. Thankfully, Crazy Bob did not survive the jump. He died as soon as he hit the ground. (Normally this jump wouldn't have even hurt an infant, but Crazy Joe was just a weakling.)


So everyone gathered together, held hands and sang silly songs (with Larry).


So Semi-happy-people Land was renamed Happy-people Land. And everyone lived happily ever after, until the next day.



THE END.



Make sure to give me lots of attention for posting this. I like attention.
 
 
I guess this post will also be on someone else's blog. Cool beans, farts and all.

Extra Special People's Noses

This is broadcast, paid for by Extra Special People's Noses (ESPN). justGeorge and his affiliates had nothing to do with this blog post thingy.


Have you ever noticed a person with an ugly nose? Have you ever wanted to help all of the people with large nostrils? Do you believe that your nose is what makes you amazing?

If you answered yes to any of those questions, then you have a responsibility to the rest of the general population. Remember what Smoker the bear says: Only you can prevent ugly noses.

Come on down to Eugenics Inc. to donate your Aryan nose. There we will be able to donate your nose to science and random people we find on the streets.

Remember: this is completely voluntary. You don't have to live anymore, but we recommend that you do.



This advertisement has been paid for by ESPN. The budget was being cut and we had to resort to dubious advertising.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Pidgeot

Choice Banded Pidgeot


Ability: Tangled Feet

Item: Choice Band




Brave Bird
Return
U-Turn
Quick Attack





Annoying Bird


Ability: Tangled Feet

Item: Leftovers / Lax Incense



Mud Slap
Toxic
Double Team
Protect




Facade Bird Thing


Ability: Tangled Feet

Item: Toxic Orb



Facade
Brave Bird
U-Turn
Protect





Never a commonly used bird, Pidgeot stays in other birds' shadows. The only reason to possibly use this guy is to use him in double battles and have your partner use swagger on it, thereby using its ability and decent attack stat. I always recommend annoying your opponent instead of attacking their Pokemon if you want to use a piece of shingle like this. This is what Big Bird would like if he were forced to battle: a failure.

Rubber Band

There's a new gang in town. It goes by the name of The Band of Rubber, aka The Rubber Band. This group of ruthless scalawags terrorize the neighborhoods with their tire swings.

Around the turn of the most recent millennium, a group of annoying teenagers decided to join together and do mischievious stuff, such as vandalize people's property, encourage violence, and steal ice cream from little children.

The only thing stopping this group of zit-infested miscreants from ruining the property value the town is Ma Fia's gang... and justGeorge. But... mostly the latter.

In fact, the group disbanded shortly after its creation. After justGeorge beat their leader in a Pokemon battle, they broke up faster than a band with two lead singers.

A couple news stations asked him how he found the courage to fact Johnny Boy (the gang leader) mono y mono. He had this to say:

"Uh... I had to whup up on the last gym leader in order to reach the elite four. I just wanted to beat the game."

It is not known why beating someone in a Pokemon battle would cause a gang to disband, but at least the world was rid of one more gang. Now if only justGeorge would set his eyes upon Ma Fia's gang, then the world would finally be at peace.

Friday, May 6, 2011

Hair

I love my hair
Yes, I dare
It has so much flair
It will always stay there

I love my lips

Oh look at the time.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Aesop's Hidden Fables, well one of them

Once upon a time there lived a lion that would often eat creatures of the jungle. This lion terrorized the population, allowing a system of hierarchy to form which conveniently placing the lion on top. As King of the Jungle, he would eat random residents purely for the sake of survival.

One day, he came upon a porcupine. The porcupine, unaware of the lion's presence, was casually existing. The lion, confused by the porcupine's arrogant attitude, confronted it.

"Why do you exist near me? I never gave you permission to live!"

The porcupine, seeing that the lion was a dumb beast, decided to play a trick on the lion.

"Well, Mr. Lion, I'm just here to show you the error of your ways. I have some command you need to follow."

"Huh?" the lion muttered in a confused state.

"I've been existing, waiting for you to show up. I need to tell you something: you are not allowed to eat me. You are allowed to bound around the jungle and roar all you want, but you are not allowed to chew and swallow me."

The lion, seeing this as an attack on his authority, dove upon the prickly shrew-thing. The porcupine was immediately eaten on the spot. This was not what the little guy had anticipated, but it was too late. Apparently reverse-reverse psychology does not work on jungle animals.

At least the lion got what he deserved. He was unable to poop out the porcupine later and died of intestinal problems.

The moral of this story is obvious. If you are incredibly stupid, scroll below for the moral.














Keep scrolling.






















































Keep going.
































































Almost there.














































































































Just a little further....

































































Wow. I can't believe you've just admitted that you're stupid. I don't need to tell stupid people the morals of Aesop's Fables.

Stupid person.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Lon Lon Ranch

I was playing mini golf happily. I had just gotten a hole in one. It didn't even matter if I put the ball in the wrong hole. All that mattered was that I was winning. I had breezed past all of the weirdos, each of them terrible golf players. I'd seen their score cards. I was ahead of all of them by at least 50 points each.

I was whistling my favorite racist tune of "Zip Dee Do Dah" to myself, minding my own business. Then all of a sudden, an ugly person stood in front of me. I screamed in horror.

His face looked freakish, like an alien or something. He had two eyes, each having the same color. His nose had two nostrils which sucked in air like a vacuum. His hands had four fingers and a thumb. None of his fingers were the same length, and they seemed to move independently. His ears were on opposite sides of his head, and were around the same size.

He opened his mouth, as if to speak, but all that came out were nonsensical English statements.

"Ya know yer not supposed to touch deh ball with your hands, right? Yer supposed to use deh golf club."

Then I realized he was just a run-away clown. He was trying to entertain me with his gibberish. I was going to walk away laughing, but then a funny thought came in to my head. What if I captured this clown and used him as my personal entertainer?

I laughed maniacally at this wonderful thought. Then I started muttering to myself about funny clowns. The ugly freak started to show signs of confusion. I decided to act now before this clown ran again. So I decided to trick the funny guy to getting into my stalker car.

"Hey, buddy. Ya want some candy? I got some nice candy in the car."

The freak just stared at me, like I had just said something rediculous. I decided to try something else. I started shouting as if I were advertising for something.

"FREE!! FREE MONEY!!"

Suddenly I was stamped and trampled underfoot by a crowd of crazy people. They all piled into my black van, all chattering excitedly about savings.

I closed and blockaded the doors to my van. Then I painted the whole thing bright colors and put the words: "Circus of Freaks" on it. Then I drove around the city, collecting money from curious people. I would park the van and let all of the little boys and girls look inside. Everyone would laugh and point at the idiots inside.

After making millions on my freak show, I let the people go and ran off into the sunset, carrying fake million-dollar bills in my pocket.

In case you haven't noticed, the story had nothing to do with the title. I just decided to go with the first set of words that popped into my head.