Friday, April 22, 2011

Ye Olde Ma Fia

Ma Fia grabbed her trusty sniper rifle and aimed it from the window. The target: justGeorge.

She squinted in the distance then continued to stare through her scope. She bit her lip in concentration. If this failed, she would have to use extreme measures.

justGeorge waddling around his cardboard box as if he had nothing better to do. He was grinning happily and muttering to himself something about fiber. With random, jerky movements he would travel around his home in unusual zig-zag patterns. This would make it almost impossible for him to be hit accurately, even for an expert sniper like Ma Fia.

"That fiend," she muttered under her breath, still trying to aim the rifle, "Try and steal MY publicity will ya? I'll teach you soon enough."

She grabbed the nearest bag of potato chips, ripped it open, then poured it contents into her giant mouth.

Then, with her mouth full of food (don't be this impolite at home, kids) she said, "There's only room for one shoplifter in this town. Besides, there's a huge bounty on your head and it's growing by the second."

Then she laughed, spraying spittle and unhealthy snack food everywhere.

Meanwhile, justGeorge was burning some trash, and talking to himself again.

"Y'know, I think you're the best thing since sliced bread, justGeorge."

"Well, I'm not going to disagree with you. It's never been proven that's anyone greater as of yet."

"How do you do it, justGeorge? I mean, you own, you pwn, and you phone the White House. There's got to be some sort of secret you possess that makes you greater than the rest."

"There is no secret. I've just got skillZ (with a capital z that rhymes with p and that stands for pwn)."

"Wow. The rumors are true."


"Yeah, rumors that you are Chuck Norris' son."

"Heh, justGeorge, I'm not Chuck Norris' son, I'm one of Chuck Norris' two weaknesses (the other being Bruce Lee)."



Suddenly a shot is heard around the world. Slowed down like the Matrix, justGeorge dodges the sneak attack by Ma Fia. Easily dodging the bullet and all of the debris, he dashes off with his cardboard box. Screaming profanities behind him, he rushes off to another part of town to be a crazy person in peace.

Ma Fia screams like a banshee and starts firing wildly, hoping to hit one of her greatest enemies by luck. Too bad she has only bad luck (and justGeorge has all of the good luck). All of her shots missed their target.

However, she did manage to fire a bullet at a nearby building (Irony Inc.) which bounced off the side of it and straight back toward Ma Fia. This bullet hit the chandelier, making it fall. This sent off a chain reaction, sending one of her throwing knives to hit the security alarm button. This instantly made all of the windows start to close.

Ma Fia was hanging out of the window at the time. She tried to go back inside, but realized she was stuck too late. She was too fat to go back inside. The window closed on her, trapping her there for the next couple of hours. She was able to escape with the help of a few of her connections, scathed but not scarred.

She vowed to someday finish the job she had started. This time, using her secret weapon...


justGeorge said...

I like your stories. They make me feel happy.

Anonymous said...

Well, since you wrote them...