Saturday, April 30, 2011

Chuck Norris vs. Ninja

A long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

In the beginning, the world was without form. The only thing that existed was Chuck Norris.

One day, Chuck Norris said, "Let there be fight, and there was fight." And Chuck Norris saw the fight, and saw that it was good. A ninja had appeared, suspended in space.

Then Chuck Norris said, "Let there be a battlefield," and the Earth came to be.

Then Chuck Norris said, "Let there be water, food and air to keep this ninja alive." then there was.

Then Chuck Norris rested, because creating the universe is very difficult. But he had succeeded in beating God at forming a universe, it took him only three days to complete it. God had taken six. But, God didn't mind too much that he was beaten. After all, he didn't want to make Chuck Norris angry.

So Chuck Norris prepared himself for his battle with the ninja. Training night and day, he made perfection even more perfect. (This is the only time this has ever occured in history, beating perfection.)

After a few days of training, he was ready.

The ninja and Chuck Norris stood across from eachother in the middle of the battlefield.

The battle began.

Chuck Norris grabbed a book from his trusty backpack and started reading it outloud.

"Instead of turning on the lights, I turn off the dark."

"I'm not afraid of the dark, it's afraid of me."

"I don't wear a watch, I decide what time it is."

"I put the 'laughter' in 'manslaughter'"

"I can drown a fish."

"Only I can unscramble an egg."

"My blood type is AK-47."

"I can make a snowman out of rain."

"I don't cheat death, I win fair-and-square."

"I don't only eat nails, I grocery shop at Home Depot."

"I even beat the sun in a staring contest!"

Suddenly the ninja was in front of him. With lightning speed, Chuck Norris was on the ground writhing in pain.

Chuck Norris sat up, confused.

"Who are you?" he asked.

The ninja took off his mask. Chuck Norris gasped and muttered to himself, "Of course... shoulda known..."

The ninja was Bruce Lee.

From that day forward, Chuck Norris decided to allow God to create the humans and animals, just cuz slow 'n' steady wins the race to God-ness.

Chuck Norris became a semi-mortal from that day forward. Living in Cerulean Cave, he awaits a worthy challenger.

Jokes are courtesy of this website:

I really couldn't have remembered that many jokes anyway.

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