Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Donuts and Dumbells

Once upon a time there was a guy who really loved donuts. It was his life, his passionate wives, and his only reason for living.

One day his doctor told him to lose some weight. You see, over the years, he accumulated jiggly fat faster than a rolling stone gathering fans (grass or whatever; its supposed to be symbolic or something). Every year he gained 50 pounds for 20 years. The question is: how much did he weigh if he started at 150 pounds?

Well, he broke the scale, so a little math had to be used.

Unfortunately, no one in the medical profession can solve word problems. So they guessed he weighed approximentally 30 pounds or so.

Thankfully no one was sued for malpractice.

Anyway, this guy decided to give up donuts and lift weights. This was his Valentine's Day Resolution.

The going was tough, but he stuck with it. He finally was able to THINK about quiting the donuts. He even lifted a dumbell (it was in his way). Then he suddenly gave up his dream of losing the donuts habbit.

His friends encouraged him to go to Dounuts Anonymous. This was the organization designed to help people like him.

He dragged out of his house via crane and dropped into a car. He drove to the center. Unfortunately, he couldn't fit in the door and listened from outside. All he heard was the word "donut".

This made him instantly hungry and tried to walk toward the car. Unfortunately, the car was stolen by Ma Fia.

He was alone, stranded without a car or cell phone. He would have to walk.

The journey of 1000 miles began with one step, a step that made him trip and stumble. He rolled down a hill to his house and was plunked at his front door. The crane put him back in his easy chair.

He sighed with relief as he turned on his television to watch more TV. Then he yelled at his kids for being stupid, and drank only coca-cola for the rest of his life.

Then he got in a car wreck and died because he was such a bad driver.

The End.

Oh, if you don't know who I'm talking about, ask your dad. He'll be just as clueless. But it'll be funny, just cuz it's about him.

The End (fo real this time).


justGeorge said...

You have amazing storytelling abilities! You should be on the Larry King show.

justGeorge said...


Does that show even exist anymore?

Kyle P. said...

its not nice to kill zach's dad. i think he is a very delightful charcter!!!

justGeorge said...

He is a character for sure. Not a very good one. I do hope he dies though.

Zachary Penguin said...

Your all punks ... My dad may be ... nevermind, just be (flipping) nice (:

Also, Larry Kings daughter was in a few ... movies. Look it up, fools.