Sunday, January 16, 2011

Stealing Candy from a Baby

Stealthily, I crawled behind the couch. I peered out timidly, like a prairie dog before an angry dog. I ducked down instinctively, using my hidden 23rd sense. The baby was goo-gooing and ga-gaing quietly to itself.

I knew right then I was dealing with the supernatural. That must be Lady Ga Ga reincarnate as a baby. My teeth started clattering and my knees were quaking. I swallowed in fear. I would have to strike quickly.

The baby was holding its candy, listening to the crinkly sound its wrapper made. I started to sneak up behind it.

Suddenly I grabbed the chewy "Laffy Taffy" then Laffed in its face. I unwrapped the candy and popped it into my mouth. Then I made a terrible pun about the chicken crossing the road. Then I threw away the wrapper and swallowed the candy whole. The walked away whistling.

That was when I was jumped. Two muscular guys held me down and got out a plunger. They sucked the candy out of my stomach and grabbed the clump of slimey food. Then they came back and presented the candy to the baby.

I was a little dazed and tried walking away. The two guys turned to me and shouted


I ran faster, determined to get away. Voices were calling behind me.

"Do you think you can steal candy from the prince of Ughwanastan and get away with it?!"

I ran and hid in the UN embassy. Everyone knows that the UN is to corrupted government like holy water against a vampire. The guards screeched to a halt in front of the building. They swore a few times, then walked away defeated.

I sighed. I was safe -- for now. Unfortunately I got drafted the moment I entered the building into a stupid war.

So that's where I am now. Fighting in 'nam -- again.

At least I'll travel a lot, I'll be able to see some awesome sights in 'nam, like Landmines Inc., Death Jungle, and Guerilla Camps.

Oh boy is this gonna be fun.


justGeorge said...

Hey, that's not nice, I happen to live in 'nam. There's plenty of sights for tourists to see. For example...... uh.... uh.... well I know there are some. So there.

Zachary Penguin said...

ahaha, niceee laffy taffy are pure evil, never eat them ... puns suck (like you on weekdays), and i think you should reconsider the war ... not fun when u actually enter Landmines Inc.