Monday, January 31, 2011

The Adventures of Blackberry Finn

Hey y'all! This is Mark Twang (They called me that cuz of ma twang). I'm here to give y'all the lowdown on ma new story: The Adventures of Bob the Glob.

Well, it all starts out in a peaceful village out in America somewhere. Down by the Mrs. Sippy somewhere, this village prospered under Mr. Sun, the heat miser. Little did all the peaceful citizens know, Jesuszilla (aka Godzilla) was about to rip apart the town.

They found out in only a couple of seconds.

Oops there goes the town.

Who can stop this unspeakable terror?

justGeorge can! With his psychic powers and amazing skillz, he can destroy the terrible beast!

Thus began the story of St. George and the Dragon.

We all know how that ends. Anyway, back to the real story about Blackberry Finn.

Once upon a time on the Mississippi, Blackberry Finn was floating on a little boat, about the size of a dvd disc.

He sang annoying country songs while bobbing up and down on the waves of the Old Man River. Here's one such song:

Oh! Bee do! Bee do!

I like fried chicken in the country air
I like to sing with a country flair
Mama always beat me, 'n' papa too
But I'm still singing this song for you

Bo dee do do

In ma pickup truck, I shot a deer
I use 'em guns out of fear
I ain't no bumpkin
I like to eat 'em pumpkin

Bo dee do do

(justGeorge takes off his hat) Too bad that annoying character is no longer with us. He was immediately shot for singing such bad songs.

The End

More Coming Right Up, Sir

Prepare for more Pokemon strategies. I've been a little slack on that recently. Actually, I've only posted it twice. I'll do better! I pwomise!

Nurse Ratchet? We need you now!

Muffins are sad cupcakes. I feel sorry for them.

I have nothing more to say.

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Epic Snowball Fight!




Obviously this is an epic snowball fight, put with awesome music. I'm that one guy who's throwing snowballs, NOT THE CAMERA MAN.

Friday, January 28, 2011

Billy Bones, Myth or Doubly Myth?

This is a report from jESUS (justGeorge's Entrepreneurial Section of Universal Simulcast).

I'm justGeorge, reporting live from my house. I've just gotten an hangnail, and it hurts. Wah! I need to collect my social securtiy now. I have to retire, I can't type ANYTHING now.

Now my blogging career is at an all-time low. (Although it's been that way ever since I began this blog, you can't have less than one person that likes your blog!)

I guess I'll have to sue the idiot who designed the heavy machinery at the factory. Seriously. I mean, any innocent guy who slips past security, runs past the security guards, under the yellow tape, and stick his hand into a random machine's parts could get hurt.

Thankfully, I pulled my hand out at the last second when I read the sign: DO NOT EVER EVER EVER EVER EVER STICK YOUR HANDS IN THE MACHINE AT ANY TIME FOR ANY REASON WHATSOEVER!!!

I think I got the message. I pulled out my hand quickly, but in the process snagged my nail on a nail. How ironic.

Now I'm angry. I shouldn't have gotten a snagged nail, I mean really. Who woiuld think that heavy machinery would be dangerous?

But, on a lighter note, I watched Follow that Bird. It was amazing. I've seen it like a billion times, just cuz it's one of the best movies ever. Seriously. Anybody who's smart enough to be able to read this should watch it. Fo real. Yo.

Some of you might be wondering why I'm using one-word-sentences. That's cuz I'm gangsta. Yo.

Just thought I'd check it out. It's not as if anyone will care anyway. (No one will comment. Yeah, I'm a negative person. Deal with it.)

Well, he ho. No where this blogpost can go. I think I'll end this rambling.

I'm done.

The End

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Your Head is Hollow, Mine is Hallowed

I feel bubbly, almost as if I were posting an insane, nonsense post. I feel funny. I doubt I could walk in a straight line. My breath smells of strawberries.

By the way, it's time for another story by justGeorge Inc.

One day I was walking along when I suddenly decided to do some criminal activities.

On the first day as a criminal I stole this for me:
A parish in a pear tree

On the second day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Two Leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the third day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the fourth day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Four Wild Herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the fifth day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the sixth day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Six Fleece a golden
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the seventh day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Seven leoplorodons a swimming
Six Fleece a golden
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the eighth day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Eight Miltanks milking
Seven leoplorodons a swimming
Six Fleece a golden
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the ninth day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Nine ladies dancing :)
Eight Miltanks milking
Seven leoplorodons a swimming
Six Fleece a golden
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the tenth day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Ten frogs a leaping
Nine ladies dancing :)
Eight Miltanks milking
Seven leoplorodons a swimming
Six Fleece a golden
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the eleventh day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Eleven Pied Pipers Piping
Ten frogs a leaping
Nine ladies dancing :)
Eight Miltanks milking
Seven leoplorodons a swimming
Six Fleece a golden
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree

On the twelfth day as a criminal I stole this for me:
Twelve Grumblers Grumbling
Eleven Pied Pipers Piping
Ten frogs a leaping
Nine ladies dancing :)
Eight Miltanks milking
Seven leoplorodons a swimming
Six Fleece a golden
Five golden rings
Four wild herds
Three French Fries
Two leather Gloves
and a parish in a pear tree


Then I wasn't a hungry catelillar anymore. I was a really fat, justGeorge. (with and angry crowd of dancers, pied pipers, and grumblers)

I turned into a beautiful butterfree.....

not.


Thank You for reading this stupid post. You have no idea how much time this took for me to write.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Poem of The Ages

A poem about the color red:



Red

I like red, yes I do
I like red, ooh ooh ooh

I like the color red
Like I just said
I don't want it on my head
I'm glad I sleep on a bed
I'm glad I'm not dead
I like to eat bread
Snow always deserves a sled
It never fills me with dread
I'm in trouble with the fed
My shoes' ain't full of lead
I've always wished I could wed
The color red

I like red 1 2 3
I like red hee hee hee

I like the color red
As you've probably read
I've never needed to shed
Never a hint or a shred
No hair for me to spread
On dandruff I will not tread
I've always been led
Through life I've always sped
My name ain't Jed
or Ed
or Ned
or Fred
or Ted
I'm just George, who likes red

I like red, I ain't a foo
I like red, doodley doo

Hi #4

Hi

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

The Happy Prince - by Oscar Wilde

"'My courtiers called me the Happy Prince, and happy indeed I was, if pleasure be happiness. So I lived, and so I died. And now that I am dead they have set me up here so high that I can see all the ugliness and all the misery of my city, and though my heart is made of lead yet I cannot choose but weep.'"


I encourage you to read the whole story, as deep as it is.

Saturday, January 22, 2011

Charlie, Candy Mountain!





Hilarious video. I'm going on a video rampage. Make sure to comment if you hate my videos. If you love them, just shut up.

Friday, January 21, 2011

A Funny Commercial






I love commercials. So brainwashy goodness. As long as Mr. T is in it.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Life is Sacred?

There once was a man who stood in front of a crowd and shouted, "Life is sacred!"

He was immediately shot.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Kylinius the Fool

Kylinius Allenagbacht Perkins XII was the royal duke of Cranbury Cross, the cutest little region in all of Germany, England. He owned a little English cottage by the Swedish windmill. All around him, Chinese immigrants worked on an American railroad (all their live-long days). Overhead, German bombers were dropping Mayan chocolate. Everyone was happy in their diverse world... well, almost everyone.

Kylinius, however, was not happy. He was angry at the unequal distribution of wealth among the Chinese immigrant workers, and the underpayed Mexican immigrants, and the other minorities.

He wanted the government to fix these problems, so he rallied the common farmers into a rebelion against the oppressive government. These disgruntled farmers became known as shays, like in the word Sa-shay (to rebel against the government).

They eventually got to their leader's palace in protest but their efforts were struck down. Literally they were struck down. Everyone died in the hands of the national guard. Too bad.

The moral of this story is: Don't be Communists.

The End

Sunday, January 16, 2011

Stealing Candy from a Baby

Stealthily, I crawled behind the couch. I peered out timidly, like a prairie dog before an angry dog. I ducked down instinctively, using my hidden 23rd sense. The baby was goo-gooing and ga-gaing quietly to itself.

I knew right then I was dealing with the supernatural. That must be Lady Ga Ga reincarnate as a baby. My teeth started clattering and my knees were quaking. I swallowed in fear. I would have to strike quickly.

The baby was holding its candy, listening to the crinkly sound its wrapper made. I started to sneak up behind it.

Suddenly I grabbed the chewy "Laffy Taffy" then Laffed in its face. I unwrapped the candy and popped it into my mouth. Then I made a terrible pun about the chicken crossing the road. Then I threw away the wrapper and swallowed the candy whole. The walked away whistling.

That was when I was jumped. Two muscular guys held me down and got out a plunger. They sucked the candy out of my stomach and grabbed the clump of slimey food. Then they came back and presented the candy to the baby.

I was a little dazed and tried walking away. The two guys turned to me and shouted

"HEY! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

I ran faster, determined to get away. Voices were calling behind me.

"Do you think you can steal candy from the prince of Ughwanastan and get away with it?!"

I ran and hid in the UN embassy. Everyone knows that the UN is to corrupted government like holy water against a vampire. The guards screeched to a halt in front of the building. They swore a few times, then walked away defeated.

I sighed. I was safe -- for now. Unfortunately I got drafted the moment I entered the building into a stupid war.

So that's where I am now. Fighting in 'nam -- again.

At least I'll travel a lot, I'll be able to see some awesome sights in 'nam, like Landmines Inc., Death Jungle, and Guerilla Camps.

Oh boy is this gonna be fun.

Friday, January 14, 2011

This is an Advertisement. Please Ignore

This is DUMB, Donations uv Micro-Biology (aka organ splice and dice).

Are you tired of debt piling around you? Ever had such strong emo thoughts that you'd wanted to harm yourself? Have you ever been so embarrassed , and hoped you'd die? Well this is YOUR opportunity to do so!

In this programme, I mean program, we will help you put yourself out of your misery. Partnered together with Eugenics United, we have created a method of donating your organs and cleansing the human gene-pool. All you have to do is follow the steps:

1. Be part of an annoying non-loved minority group.

2. Have delectable organs, just waiting to get removed.

3. Be extremely gullible, or read this advertisement.

4. Sign a contract, giving up all rights to sue, press charges, or own your body.

5. Sit back, and pretend it doesn't hurt. Smile for the camera!


Anybody not part of the master race, go to 666 Murder Dr. and volunteer.




By the way, in case you haven't realized it by now, this was supposed to be satirical. Whatevs.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Funny Video (First Ever!)




This is my first video. Everyone give me applause!
Oh yeah. Hilarious. Don't everybody laugh at once. Please, you'll hurt my eardrums.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

Bleh

Zeke Dove is sitting next to me, smoking a cigarette, giving me an old-fasioned interrogation. In case you don't know Zeke Dove, he's the guy who's interrogating me now (duh). Zeke's high school nickname was "BoneSaw" (obviously he was a WWE wrestler on Spiderman). Too bad I never had a chance. Using the Chinese water torture, he forced me to talk about the rebel base. I didn't know what he was talking about, but I'm a pretty good guesser.

Y'know, I'm really tired of the low standards of torture nowadays. In the olden days, we used to strap a jet pack to the victim and shoot them toward the sun. Now we use the polically acceptable Chinese Water torture, under the waterfall. I never quite understood how that was a mind torture.

Anyway, there go the rebels. Oh well. On the positive side, I bounced outta there using my giant rubber ball. I was instantly free (they had no aerial defences) and flew over the entire empire's base.

That sums up yesterday. Now about today...

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Story of Someone Else's Life

Mr. McBeardedGuy walked down his hallway. Along the corridor, emotionless faces stared back at him. The faces of his students, devoid of any energy. A depressed mass of people, ones he'd never see again.

He chuckled to himself. Their education was complete. He would dispense of them shortly. He laughed again, gaining confidence, after all who would hear him laugh evilly?

He started running like a maniac toward his room, ready to "teach" his students. The only people that he needed to brainwash were those three annoying pests: the strong-minded men. justGeorge was among these three, along with Dracoking and Judofoo.
McBearded Guy swore under his breath. How dare these fools stand up to the power of The Sacred Book? They will be punished, after they finish it.

He stood up to his crowd of three, unaware that justGeorge was asleep.
"During class today, we will read aloud from Pride and Prejudice, The Sacred Scriptures of literature."

Two of the students got out their book and skimmed through the story in twenty seconds. That was all it took. They instantly became mind-controlled freaks of nature (versus who they were before, normal freaks).

Mr. McBeardedGuy, in his impatience didn't check to make sure everyone was brainwashed. He roared a terrible laugh.

"I have the stupid students under my control! Bwa ha ha ha ha!"

justGeorge heard the "stupid" part. He groggily woke up.

"Wah? What was that? Something about stupid?"

Mr. McBeardedGuy realized his mistake, too late. justGeorge ran out the door faster than Mr. Darcey would in order to engage to Elizabeth.

"DESTROY HIM, MY MINIONS!" he shouted, red in the face, his beard curling. Dracoking and Judofoo chased after him like zombies.

justGeorge kong-fu'd himself out of the corridor, down the stairs and out the front doors. The receptionist ran after him, angry as a Tauros because he didn't sign out. The entire school ran after him. justGeorge called over his shoulder.

"Run, run, run, as fast as you can. You can't catch me I'm a REAL man.

justGeorge sped through the cow pasture, over the hill and under a bridge. He stayed there, like a hobo, until the heat blew over. Then he ran and posted a blog in the public library and ran off to his next adventure.