I sat in the theater, waiting for the Big-Mouth Opera to begin. I wasn't interested in the show. I was interested in escaping the police. There's only one way to truly escape the police- fake your death. This is exactly what I planned for Act 3, the sword fight scene. Hopefully those actors / singers can perform impromptu.
I saw the curtain rising and all the Big-Mouths trying to remember their musicality they lost long ago.
My hands were sweating buckets of green sweat. Thankfully no-one noticed because of the green slime falling from the ceiling. I was so nervous I could have replaced the swords they would be using to the original fake swords. I knew that in order to be convincing, everything would have to go as planned. I traced the crowd, seeing if the police were on to me.
Then my eyes fell on the fatty police officer, Bob Po-Po, who was snacking on glazed donuts. My anger rose to tremendous levels. Those were my donuts that he stole from me just yesterday as I ran from the police! I could tell because I had my initials on each of the donuts in blood. Obviously it wasn't my blood, just some guy's who was in my way.
(God rest his soul)
I decided to go steal them back. The problem is that I couldn't be seen until the right scene (ha ha get it?). I needed to formulate a very complicated strategy. After thinking for a few drawn-out seconds, I decided to go for a sneaky approach.
"HEY!!" I yelled, "GIMME BACK MY DONUTS!!" I stormed over to where he was sitting, snatched my extra large plate of donuts, swallowing them all whole. I grabbed the officer's 7X LARD shirt and threatened to eat his face if he EVER ate any more of MY donuts.
Just then, I realized my mistake. The singers, the audience, and all 200 police officers in the balconies were all staring at me. I was trapped. The police officers all took out their guns and started shouting at me with megaphones to surrender. I ran for my life to the front doors of the theater. The police started firing at me at blockaded the front door. I ran the other direction toward the back door. A helicopter flew overhead with a spotlight. The singers were panicking and screaming in their soprano voices.
Still wondering how a helicopter could fit inside a tiny theater, I lunged for the back door. But, it was blocked by three kong-fu pandas.
I had nowhere to go.
Then I realized dig a tunnel out of there. I grabbed a conviniently placed shovel from off the carpet and started digging. I had to eat some of the concrete because the shovel wasn't strong enough for that. But, after a few hours time, I was able to escape toward the sunset. I was able to stall for that much time by making the underground squirels attack (fyi: underground squirels exist, and they make pig noises. Learn more about underground squirels at www.justGeorgespage.blogspot.com
That's how I learned always to wash my hands after going to the bathroom.
I squashed a pretty bug.