Thursday, February 25, 2010

Smashing Good Show

I sat in the theater, waiting for the Big-Mouth Opera to begin. I wasn't interested in the show. I was interested in escaping the police. There's only one way to truly escape the police- fake your death. This is exactly what I planned for Act 3, the sword fight scene. Hopefully those actors / singers can perform impromptu.

I saw the curtain rising and all the Big-Mouths trying to remember their musicality they lost long ago.

My hands were sweating buckets of green sweat. Thankfully no-one noticed because of the green slime falling from the ceiling. I was so nervous I could have replaced the swords they would be using to the original fake swords. I knew that in order to be convincing, everything would have to go as planned. I traced the crowd, seeing if the police were on to me.

Then my eyes fell on the fatty police officer, Bob Po-Po, who was snacking on glazed donuts. My anger rose to tremendous levels. Those were my donuts that he stole from me just yesterday as I ran from the police! I could tell because I had my initials on each of the donuts in blood. Obviously it wasn't my blood, just some guy's who was in my way.

(God rest his soul)

I decided to go steal them back. The problem is that I couldn't be seen until the right scene (ha ha get it?). I needed to formulate a very complicated strategy. After thinking for a few drawn-out seconds, I decided to go for a sneaky approach.

"HEY!!" I yelled, "GIMME BACK MY DONUTS!!" I stormed over to where he was sitting, snatched my extra large plate of donuts, swallowing them all whole. I grabbed the officer's 7X LARD shirt and threatened to eat his face if he EVER ate any more of MY donuts.

Just then, I realized my mistake. The singers, the audience, and all 200 police officers in the balconies were all staring at me. I was trapped. The police officers all took out their guns and started shouting at me with megaphones to surrender. I ran for my life to the front doors of the theater. The police started firing at me at blockaded the front door. I ran the other direction toward the back door. A helicopter flew overhead with a spotlight. The singers were panicking and screaming in their soprano voices.

Still wondering how a helicopter could fit inside a tiny theater, I lunged for the back door. But, it was blocked by three kong-fu pandas.

I had nowhere to go.

Then I realized dig a tunnel out of there. I grabbed a conviniently placed shovel from off the carpet and started digging. I had to eat some of the concrete because the shovel wasn't strong enough for that. But, after a few hours time, I was able to escape toward the sunset. I was able to stall for that much time by making the underground squirels attack (fyi: underground squirels exist, and they make pig noises. Learn more about underground squirels at

That's how I learned always to wash my hands after going to the bathroom.

I squashed a pretty bug.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Star Wars 8: Revenge of the Wife and Kids of Frankenstein's-second-cousin-by-marriage-without-any-head-or-limbs

The Killer: A Book by justGeorge

The Killer waited for the chipmunk, he knew it always came out of its apartment after tea-time. He glanced at his Super Mario watch, it was half past eight. He ignored his watch because it was off by six hours.

Why did he look at his watch? Instinct. That is what led him to this apartment. The Killer didn't need to stalk his victims, all he needed was a hunch, or in his case a hunchback. Yes, The Killer was the Hunchback of Smote-yer-mom. As the name implies, he did smote your mother, you just don't know it yet (haven't you heard the saying, "step on a crack, bring the hunchback"? I have.

Anyway, enough of the annoying, nonsensical statements, lets read some more annoying, nonsensical statements.

The Killer sat eating his chili-bean-fart potato chips, munching happily as he thought of how much fun it is to kill someone with the Chinese Water Torture. He belched loudly, spewing out half-eaten chunks of potato chips that were lodged in his throat.

Just then, he saw movement. He buried his potato chips under a pile of dog poop, and waited to pounce on his victim.

Just then, out popped justGeorge from the apartment, wondering what his next blog post should be about. Unfortunately for the Hunchback of Smote-yer-mom, he thought he was the chipmunk, he attacked, too late realizing it was justGeorge.

justGeorge, realizing he was under attack, beat him up without even touching him. He gave him a killer wedgie and a kick in the butt to send him on his way. Then, like octopuses...octopii?...octopee? whatever, like an octo-thing, he expelled nasty gas, using it as a propellent to run away from The Killer before he knew he was beat-up.

Then came the winged monkeys. It was all over then.


Anyway, if you're one of those four people who know about this blog, I'll try to post a few pictures instead of just monologues.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Happy V Day!

Valentines Day is com'n' up. But, I don't care because V day is coming up too. No, V day is not Valentines Day, it's Victory day. You are so historically inept.

I just found Bloons Tower Defense 4 online and beat all the levels. All you have to do is use your extra $$$ every round to buy more banana farms, factories, or sweat-shops. Then, just rake in the bananas.

In case you're someone with a life, Bloons Tower Defense is a game where monkeys shoot tacks at balloons. It's a non-violent tower defense game where either monkeys frown, or balloons are popped, no-one gets hurt.

The age of pirates and ninjas has ended, now it's my time.

I will be the very best
like no one ever was

To catch swine flu is my test
to potty train is my cause

I will travel across the land
searching for the swine

Teach idiots to understand
everything is really mine

justGeorge! Gotta blog 'em all!
So true!

You blog me, I'll blog you

justGeorge! Gotta blog 'em all!
Gotta blog 'em all!


In case you don't know anything about Pokemon, I just broke the copyright laws by using their lyrics without permission. Sue me.

No! Please! I didn't mean it! NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (sound of justGeorge being dragged away for execution)

Thus ended justGeorge's reign of terror.