Monday, January 25, 2010

Ties are Designed for Strangling

I went to a formal White House party, without the FBI knowing. Apparently Obama got really angry after finding out. He chucked a few throwing stars he pulled out of his fancy suit. No one told me Obama would be armed.

I finally put my Tai Chi to good use. I dodged all the stars, and ran out of the White House, making sure to grab the Constitution and the Magna Carta. They never could find me because I hid in a bush (Thank God for George Bush). While the helicopters flew overhead, I ate the documents (no more evidence).

Why am I telling you this? So you'll know what happened when all the tourism to the White House is cut off. They're afraid people will see that the Constitution is gone.

Menwhile, I've created a fortess out of Tinkertoys to prevent the Secret Service from visiting. Apparently Tinkertoys are flame-resistant, elecricity-resistant, and tear-gas-resistant. The only thing stronger than Tinkertoys are Lincoln Logs. I don't have a good enough job for that though (apparently Narcissism doesn't pay that well). Lincoln Logs cost about $20.00 per fluid ounce whyle Tinkertoys cost only one shoplifting. After all, everyone knows that it's most difficult to shoplift from a magazine catalogue. You'd have to order it, receive it, and then steal it from yourself. That's no fun.

Besides, I don't order from those catalogues because all it takes is about 100 Pikmin to carry off your packages right off your front porch. I prefer to buy my stuff with three dollar bills.

Anyway, if you see a flying fortress of Tinkertoys, just call me.

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