Friday, December 31, 2010

Janus time

Looking back at the year, I realize I've never made any GOOD posts. Sure, I've made plenty, but they've almost all been desperate cries for help (which no one answered). Next year I hope to give the public (my crowd of about two) more bedazzl'n' posts of expert blogmanship. I've also resolved to stop eating Sesame Street Seeds on my burgers. Heaven knows the carcinogens in Sesame Street Seeds (remember what happened to Big Bird?).

Hey, by the way. In case you didn't know, Mr. Zeke Dove is working on a losing-weight-blog-of-da-ages. All I can say is: this blog better not be a rip-off. Yeah, I'm talking to YOU Zeke. You better post every week.

Enough of da funny stuff, let's get to the hilarious stuff. I've also resolved to play more Mario Flash levels, and kick butt at that game. I'll never give up on Zeke's stupid levels again, I'll beat 'em. I've resolved to give Kylinius a smack upside the head sometime in the near future.

Maybe I should read more, and spend less time sitting on my couch thinking about rubber duckies.

Hmmmmm... nah.

Friday, December 24, 2010

Christmas Eve

Happy Almost-winter-solstice / happy-holidays-festivities-that-are-celebrating-Santa-Claus's-birthday-or-something-and-all-of-the-holiday-songs-are-finally-killed-day!


Merry Christmas Eve!

Friday, November 26, 2010

Title: Title: Title: Title:

It is recently reported that on Black Friday Ma Fia stole a Wal-mart building while the manager went on a potty break. The customers are being held as hostages and all the products are immediately eaten, edible or inedible. To make matters worse, Ma Fia is Yo Mama (which would explain why she's a ma).

If you know where here secret lair is, please comment. Please, do not make a mockery of our troubles. My car keys were in that building. Please go to this website for further information:

This is jESUS signing off.

Monday, October 25, 2010

The sound of color, the smell of music, and the sight of putrid odor

Thou hast leveled up one level. Here existeth thy stats.

Smell of Armpits: 76
Stupidity: 34 / 0
Flavor of Eyeballs: 23
Political Awareness: Obama
Your mother: Is so fat...

Choose thy weapon.

Chocolate Chip Squirrel
100 furious punches
A rock (as advertised by Charlie Brown)
Paper-cut-o-matic 3000
Left-handed Scissors
The Canadian Flag

Choose thy opponent


Too bad justGeorge wins with his amazing hacking ability.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

The Screaming Banshee

q w e r t y u i o p
a s d f g h j k l
z x c v b n m

What?! Does the title HAVE to go with the post?

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Another Boring Ol' Adventure

I got a rumbly in my tumbly so I went out for some honey. Being a blogger of very little brains, I got myself in trouble with the law again after holding up a grocery store with a piece of paper. (Those paper cuts hurt, they're perfect deterrents for stopping security.) I ended up in jail after a two hour car chase. (I didn't' even have a car, only a small tricycle.)

I of course got thrown into a cell with several infamous criminals including Rip-ya-apart-chainsaw-Joe (he smuggled a chainsaw into jail), Dennis the Menace to Society, and East Side Eastmond. I knew I couldn't survive my 70 year sentence so I had no other choice- I had to escape.

Thankfully, behind a picture in my cell (a picture of air) there was a secret tunnel. I crawled out of the tunnel and into the sunshine of freedom. Unfortunately, this was a fake sunshine, emanating from a cardboard prop for a play in the shape of the sun. I realized my mistake. I had interrupted the kindergarten musical display of Oedipus Rex.

I scared the bejeebies out of the tots and tried to run for my life out of the elementary school. The situation was made worse by the fact that the other prisoners followed me. They kept muttering about a hit or something. I used my teleportation powers to send me back home (under my favorite bridge).

What? Are you saying I should have teleported myself out of prison anyway? Shut yer mouth. You don't know what you're talking about. And stop interrupting my story!

I got out my whisky and vadka. I mixed and guzzled. I was happy until I heard a the sound of a chainsaw...

To Be Continued...

Tuesday, September 7, 2010





Sunday, August 22, 2010

Gulf Oil is still Leaking Out!

Scientists still believe that there is a massive leak in the Gulf, what was originally thought to be plugged up. There is still approximately 2,000 Liters of oil still being dispersed into the Gulf daily. Ernest Padilla, a well known oilologist stated, "There seems to be less and less aquatic life living.

Wednesday, August 11, 2010

Don't forget to eat your Toasty Oaties!

One day a random guy off the street walked up to me casually and said that he was a random guy off the street. I rolled my eyes and walked away.

Have you ever noticed that there's a huge influx of random guys off the street? It's probably due to the resurrection of Regice in my basement. Because the heat was gett'n' to me, I resurrected Regice from the dead to cool off my house. (Regice in case you're one of the losers who don't play Pokemon is the ice Pokemon whose temperature is absolute zero.)

I saw an Oliphant at the zoo, along with a few hoppits (another name for frogs in Britain, don't ask me to explain, I'm not British). Too bad Fladnag (Gandalf's evil cousin) put a spell on the zoo to prevent me from escaping New Zealand... I mean Lord of the Rings Land.

So I'm still stuck here with my laptop and my dog, Barko.

If you want to help me click on this link:

Friday, July 30, 2010

Strategy Time!

Strategy time for a random Pokemon. Today's Pokemon is... Garchomp the once overused Pokemon (I mean that in every way). This Ground Dragon was the king for about a year until everyone realized it was too good and moved it up with the legendaries.

Generally speaking, this... Garchomp as they call it is another name for the Pokemon version of Bruce Leonardo DePinchme (which can still be beaten by Chuck Norris).

Every Garchomp should have Earthquake, with no exceptions. Having a ground type like Garchomp without Earthquake is like a cat without fur- it's not powerful, and it's not even cute.

Here is the standard Garchomp summarized in one set with a few options.

Death Garchomp

Dragon Claw / Outrage
Fire Fang / Overheat

Item: Choice Scarf / Choice Band / Yeche Berry

If you have a Choice Band Garchomp then maybe you shouldn't go with Overheat over Fire Fang. The Yeche Berry is sort of a trick to barely survive an unboosted Ice attack and continue to pound legendaries or foolish overused Pokemon who dare to challenge you.

There are few major counters against this annoying land shark, except a few water-type tanks like Slowbro or Milotic. All you have to do is beat him with a burn or an ice move. Very often Garchomp is stuck to a move, use that against it. A legendary that's faster than it can shut it down, hopefully switching into a weak attack like Fire Fang.

Altogether Garchomp is just a cheap Pokemon like Shedinja that shouldn't exist.

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Your Own Customized Blogpost

I have researched tirelessly for the secret to touch screens. I finally have the technology for them. Completely from scratch, I made my blog post customizable via the touch screen below. You can write your own comments on your computer screen using a pencil, a pocketknife or any other sharp object. Feel free to doodle and write to your heart's content. REMINDER! YOU CANNOT WRITE ON YOUR COMPUTER SCREEN WITH YOUR HANDS. YOU MUST USE A SHARP AND POINTY OBJECT. FAILURE TO DO SO WILL CAUSE YOUR BLOGGER WARRANTY TO BECOME INVALIDATED. IF YOU LAUGH THIS OFF YOU WILL BE HUNTED DOWN BY HUNGRY CHINCHILLAS. Please doodle below:

I'm not paying for a new computer monitor just 'cuz yer stupid.

Friday, July 16, 2010

Hi #2


My coupon

Come one
Come all
to the bargain hall

We have a 50% off sale on our double priced items.

FREE donations will be accepted.

75% discounts on anything found on the third floor of our two-story building.

Only a $20 fee for looking at our dubious products.

All warranties are null and void once the object has been used in any way.

Our employees will be happy to show you our deals... and the door.

Everything is artificially natural!

We believe that the customer deserves ignorance for their own bliss.

You will be happy to know that no expense has been spared for sanitation.

We've put delightful mazes in front of the bathrooms to give a rodent-like feel as you look for "the cheese".

All credit cards are accepted and kept.

All proceeds go to the Give justGeorge Your Money Before You Become a Greedy Rich Person Foundation

So come on down and buy our used (and recycled) food and groceries. Business

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

The longest word in the world

I have found in ancient manuscripts after years (a month or two) of searching. Here it is:


It is a medical word meaning, "I had nothing else to blogpost about so I thought writing a really big word was random enough, even if it's not that funny"

I use this word in everyday conversation too.

Sunday, May 2, 2010

Evolution: The Untold Story

I have real scientific proof that evolution is fo real! An online tabloid (whose URL I've forgotten) has informed me that before their reporter's very eyes, a Charmeleon evolved into a Charizard, proving that dinosaurs evolved into birds. I myself have encountered evolution in a different way. After sleeping through disturbing dreams, I awoke and found myself as a monstrous vermin. I then realized I was a surrealist writer, destined to be squashed to death by random household items, like apples.

The next day I metamorphosized into an ape-like creature living underground. Everywhere I went I was called mean names like "Murlock". I stole their time machines, so that'll fix 'em.

Eventually I reincarnated into a Miltank, revered by the Hindus for my tasty flavor in hamburgers.

After a few lifetimes, I worked back to a human. Thankfully I have a blue aura instead of a green one. Otherwise I would have to wait a millennium [falcon] or two.

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Fairy Tales are Real (Fake Science Monthly page 42)

Alas, I am the only man who knoweth that the fairy tales are all true.

I was resting under a tree that wasn't supposed to be magical (I didn't notice the magical sparks and rare color), I awoke to find two little midgets scurrying about. Their names were obviously Tweedlepee and Tweedleplop, as seen by their Wal-mart name tags. I chased after them, but they escaped into Munchkinland, where I could not enter.

I was confused for a while until I realized that this was Magical Dimentio's Land. I hoped that I could become two-dimensional and slip through rends in the Time-Space Continent (known as Atlantis) to escape this legendary land, but to no avail. My butt was too fat to become two-dimensional.

Just overhead, I saw a Ho-oh, flying toward the burnt tower. I followed it to Ash, who was very grumpy that day. He was beating up some kid's Charizard with his own Pikachu. I ignored them because I saw something cooler. I saw the forbiden donut.


Too bad for me, it was the Donutman

Run run run
as fast as you can
you can't catch me
I'm the Donut man!

He said this while running into the mouth of Starfox, who was too clever for that Donutman. Then Captain Falcon FalconPunched Starfox, swiped the donut and swallowed him in one bite.


Wednesday, March 10, 2010


Fo yo enjoyment as a geeky gamer.

I'm sorry I haven't posted on my blog more often. I can't say I'll change that. I'm currently in a Siberian prison camp.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Smashing Good Show

I sat in the theater, waiting for the Big-Mouth Opera to begin. I wasn't interested in the show. I was interested in escaping the police. There's only one way to truly escape the police- fake your death. This is exactly what I planned for Act 3, the sword fight scene. Hopefully those actors / singers can perform impromptu.

I saw the curtain rising and all the Big-Mouths trying to remember their musicality they lost long ago.

My hands were sweating buckets of green sweat. Thankfully no-one noticed because of the green slime falling from the ceiling. I was so nervous I could have replaced the swords they would be using to the original fake swords. I knew that in order to be convincing, everything would have to go as planned. I traced the crowd, seeing if the police were on to me.

Then my eyes fell on the fatty police officer, Bob Po-Po, who was snacking on glazed donuts. My anger rose to tremendous levels. Those were my donuts that he stole from me just yesterday as I ran from the police! I could tell because I had my initials on each of the donuts in blood. Obviously it wasn't my blood, just some guy's who was in my way.

(God rest his soul)

I decided to go steal them back. The problem is that I couldn't be seen until the right scene (ha ha get it?). I needed to formulate a very complicated strategy. After thinking for a few drawn-out seconds, I decided to go for a sneaky approach.

"HEY!!" I yelled, "GIMME BACK MY DONUTS!!" I stormed over to where he was sitting, snatched my extra large plate of donuts, swallowing them all whole. I grabbed the officer's 7X LARD shirt and threatened to eat his face if he EVER ate any more of MY donuts.

Just then, I realized my mistake. The singers, the audience, and all 200 police officers in the balconies were all staring at me. I was trapped. The police officers all took out their guns and started shouting at me with megaphones to surrender. I ran for my life to the front doors of the theater. The police started firing at me at blockaded the front door. I ran the other direction toward the back door. A helicopter flew overhead with a spotlight. The singers were panicking and screaming in their soprano voices.

Still wondering how a helicopter could fit inside a tiny theater, I lunged for the back door. But, it was blocked by three kong-fu pandas.

I had nowhere to go.

Then I realized dig a tunnel out of there. I grabbed a conviniently placed shovel from off the carpet and started digging. I had to eat some of the concrete because the shovel wasn't strong enough for that. But, after a few hours time, I was able to escape toward the sunset. I was able to stall for that much time by making the underground squirels attack (fyi: underground squirels exist, and they make pig noises. Learn more about underground squirels at

That's how I learned always to wash my hands after going to the bathroom.

I squashed a pretty bug.

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Star Wars 8: Revenge of the Wife and Kids of Frankenstein's-second-cousin-by-marriage-without-any-head-or-limbs

The Killer: A Book by justGeorge

The Killer waited for the chipmunk, he knew it always came out of its apartment after tea-time. He glanced at his Super Mario watch, it was half past eight. He ignored his watch because it was off by six hours.

Why did he look at his watch? Instinct. That is what led him to this apartment. The Killer didn't need to stalk his victims, all he needed was a hunch, or in his case a hunchback. Yes, The Killer was the Hunchback of Smote-yer-mom. As the name implies, he did smote your mother, you just don't know it yet (haven't you heard the saying, "step on a crack, bring the hunchback"? I have.

Anyway, enough of the annoying, nonsensical statements, lets read some more annoying, nonsensical statements.

The Killer sat eating his chili-bean-fart potato chips, munching happily as he thought of how much fun it is to kill someone with the Chinese Water Torture. He belched loudly, spewing out half-eaten chunks of potato chips that were lodged in his throat.

Just then, he saw movement. He buried his potato chips under a pile of dog poop, and waited to pounce on his victim.

Just then, out popped justGeorge from the apartment, wondering what his next blog post should be about. Unfortunately for the Hunchback of Smote-yer-mom, he thought he was the chipmunk, he attacked, too late realizing it was justGeorge.

justGeorge, realizing he was under attack, beat him up without even touching him. He gave him a killer wedgie and a kick in the butt to send him on his way. Then, like octopuses...octopii?...octopee? whatever, like an octo-thing, he expelled nasty gas, using it as a propellent to run away from The Killer before he knew he was beat-up.

Then came the winged monkeys. It was all over then.


Anyway, if you're one of those four people who know about this blog, I'll try to post a few pictures instead of just monologues.

Thursday, February 11, 2010

Happy V Day!

Valentines Day is com'n' up. But, I don't care because V day is coming up too. No, V day is not Valentines Day, it's Victory day. You are so historically inept.

I just found Bloons Tower Defense 4 online and beat all the levels. All you have to do is use your extra $$$ every round to buy more banana farms, factories, or sweat-shops. Then, just rake in the bananas.

In case you're someone with a life, Bloons Tower Defense is a game where monkeys shoot tacks at balloons. It's a non-violent tower defense game where either monkeys frown, or balloons are popped, no-one gets hurt.

The age of pirates and ninjas has ended, now it's my time.

I will be the very best
like no one ever was

To catch swine flu is my test
to potty train is my cause

I will travel across the land
searching for the swine

Teach idiots to understand
everything is really mine

justGeorge! Gotta blog 'em all!
So true!

You blog me, I'll blog you

justGeorge! Gotta blog 'em all!
Gotta blog 'em all!


In case you don't know anything about Pokemon, I just broke the copyright laws by using their lyrics without permission. Sue me.

No! Please! I didn't mean it! NO!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! (sound of justGeorge being dragged away for execution)

Thus ended justGeorge's reign of terror.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sorry! (The Game)

I lost the game.

Also, I haven't posted in a while, as I'm sure all three of you have noticed. I have a good excuse... uh... reason for this. I was trapped in a jungle of french bread. You probably don't believe me, but that's OK ye of little faith. I can however, describe it to you. All trees were completely edible, aside from the animals living in them.

Inside of the trees were a few jungle elves who spoke as if they were on Lord of the Rings. I was only able to communicate with them with my fluent Gibberish (which I took four years of in high school).

In case you're wondering, I was in the man scouts in survival training camp. Some camp counselors thought it was funny to leave me in The-deep-dark-forest-land all by myself. I thought it was suspicious that they were goose-stepping.

I managed to escape with my life from the evil SimCity Developers who were trying to destroy the jungle in place of a city. I tricked them into thinking I was an endangered species, so that means it's not OK to kill me (versus a not-endangered species such as human).

I'm so clever.

At least it wasn't the Civilization developers, that's all I can say.

So now I'm back to regular society, where everyone sits at computers playing video games or... stuff.





















the end

Monday, January 25, 2010

Ties are Designed for Strangling

I went to a formal White House party, without the FBI knowing. Apparently Obama got really angry after finding out. He chucked a few throwing stars he pulled out of his fancy suit. No one told me Obama would be armed.

I finally put my Tai Chi to good use. I dodged all the stars, and ran out of the White House, making sure to grab the Constitution and the Magna Carta. They never could find me because I hid in a bush (Thank God for George Bush). While the helicopters flew overhead, I ate the documents (no more evidence).

Why am I telling you this? So you'll know what happened when all the tourism to the White House is cut off. They're afraid people will see that the Constitution is gone.

Menwhile, I've created a fortess out of Tinkertoys to prevent the Secret Service from visiting. Apparently Tinkertoys are flame-resistant, elecricity-resistant, and tear-gas-resistant. The only thing stronger than Tinkertoys are Lincoln Logs. I don't have a good enough job for that though (apparently Narcissism doesn't pay that well). Lincoln Logs cost about $20.00 per fluid ounce whyle Tinkertoys cost only one shoplifting. After all, everyone knows that it's most difficult to shoplift from a magazine catalogue. You'd have to order it, receive it, and then steal it from yourself. That's no fun.

Besides, I don't order from those catalogues because all it takes is about 100 Pikmin to carry off your packages right off your front porch. I prefer to buy my stuff with three dollar bills.

Anyway, if you see a flying fortress of Tinkertoys, just call me.

Monday, January 18, 2010

I Hate Murphy

Poodle Puddles, I'm mad. I went and broke Murphy's Law.

Oops I did it again.

All old pop songs aside, my hate for Murphy still grows. I need some booze. Too bad it's not Friday night. Besides, my gangsta friends would get mad if I stole their Bud Light.

Speaking of getting drunk, today I got all seven seasons of Berny the Rhinosaur.

I love you
You love me
Why can't we all
just agree with me?

With religious tolerance
and Philosophy

Won't you say you love everyone too?

I didn't get all those episodes for my enjoyment. I got them to annoy my neighbors who are constantly peeking through my window for kicks. Obviously Berny the Rhinosaur is to stalkers as garlic is to vampires. Berny isn't completely useless. I heard the US government (not the U.S. government, the US government, there's actually a difference) uses Berny to torture terrorists.

Well, I guess I'm out of steam. It doesn't take many paragraphs of blogging to calm me down. So, I'm done.

The End


Bye Bye

Best Buy

Friday, January 8, 2010

Z Snap

Beards and Bread sticks, what are you talking about? Don't you know that Barney the Dinosaur can totally squash Armaldo, even without his suit.

(realizing he's on a kids show)

Oh! Hi! I was just yelling at a useless employee.
(To employee) You're fired!
Anyway, today we're going to learn about our solar system.

(gestures at obviously fake planet hanging from the ceiling)

This is the planet Earth, where we live.
And this is a photo of our planet as seen from space.

(gestures at fake planet)

Now our Earth is huge! Bigger than your house, your yard, your city, even... even... YOUR MOM!!

(a few eyebrows are raised, a few TV viewers elbowing each other)

But this Earth is only a little green been compared to the Thanksgiving Feast known as the universe.
If Earth was this size...

(gesture at skinny kid playing video games)

Then the universe would be this size!

(gestures at obese employee who was tricked into standing in the spotlight)

There are nine-

(everyone interupts) Eight! Pluto isn't a planet!

(clears throat) - eight reasons why I'm awesome. Apparently Pluto, Mickey Mouse's dog isn't a planet.

(rereads the script, he scratches his head and sighs)


Monday, January 4, 2010

Falcon Punch

I went to the library and saw a few children's stories. Read them and tell me what you think:

Once upon a time there was a story. This is it.

The End

Once upon a time there was another story. This isn't it.

The End

Once upon a time there was a castle. The castle has nothing to do with the story though.

The End

Yea, I think the publishers are pretty desperate. I could write better books than these. I think the quality has gone down severely after I was a kid. Most kids books today are all about brainwashing children with political messages. I remember a time where children's books were at least 700 pages long, no pictures. Now the only thing good about those books ARE the pictures. Man, what a let-down.

All complaining aside, my trip to the library was fascinating. I was able to kick some fat person with a flowing beard off "his" computer. "His" with a capital H that rhymes with... uh... something that stands for online gambling. He stinks at Poker by the way.

While the librarians and bearded person were arguing, I was able to research all about people who pick other people's noses for money. It actually pays quite well. The only problem is that they're really low in society. Somewhere between common thief and a laboratory mouse that wants to take over the world.

Speaking of bathrooms, I just went to one the other day.

That made me think of a good children's story I could write about going to the bathroom. Here it is:


The End

I'm thinking of who the illustrator should be. The best situation would be someone with absolutely no sense of humor that draws the poop to scale with the toilet. I'm hoping for scientific labels and a little green texture.

So, comment about this book. I'm still thinking of a title.

Friday, January 1, 2010

Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Nose

I got a nose.

You don't got a nose.

Well, it's New Years. It's the time where everyone tries to lose three pounds before they give up on their diets. This is also the time of year where I'll tell you my New Years Resolutions. I've resolved to solve the resolutions of resolution-making drunkards who pass out before midnight. I'll resolve the solution to the resolutions of reresolutions rereresolutionifying (I'll let you look up that last word) the resolves of man resolving to solve the problems like poor resolution-making skills. These resolution-making skills are the solutions to the resolutions to poor rerereresolution-making after the rereresolution solve themselves, thereby undoing the original work done to resolve the undecided reslolutions of the original solution.

I'll give you a few minutes to re-read that paragraph and let you resolve (or reresolve) to increase your prefix vocabulary.

Bobo likes Cheetoes.

Sorry about that. That was one of my followers (justGeorge) tormenting me again. I don't know what it is about that guy, but he enjoys cyberbullying me by giving himself the same name as me (and the same passwords) allowing him to insert random phrases in my posts. Obviously he thinks random is the same as funny. If that were true, then your IQ and my grades on my English papers would be funny. Both of these things are random, but not funny. Only those wise, liberal, and city-born users of heavenly random number generators can understand English apparently. That's OK. I'm not interested in keeping my blog-stupid person free, if I was I would rid myself of justGeorge forever.

(cue evil laugh)

The End