Thursday, December 31, 2009

Hippy Holidays

Sorry for not posting during the Christmas Era. I was forced to celebrate Kwanza in the state prison. The only problem with that is that I'm white. I had to get out by battling the prison guards at Pokemon battles. So I didn't get anything for Christmas except for a Rice Crispy Cookie. That's all they give you in prison.

In case you're not one of the three people who actually looks at my blog, let me tell you what I did to get in prison in the first place. All I did was try to get fast cash by selling marijuana at a pawn shop. I didn't know you're not supposed to do that. I didn't know you're supposed to sell it to random bums on the street, while selling STOLEN goods at a pawn shop.

Whatever.

That's not the point though. What really put me in jail was the fact that I was dressed in a Santa suite with a nametage on it. Apparently nametags are patented, so I was sent to state prison forever. If that wasn't bad enough, my cellmate was another justGeorge (we're everywhere you know, just look at our comments). We spent so much time arguing that we didn't realize both of our sentences were up (forever passes by quicker than you think).

So that's just about the jist of my Christmas- oops holiday. I'm hoping that the New Years will be better. I've learned my lesson. Never sell stuff to pawn shops, they jip you off. Especially if the great Ma Fia controls the store to begin with.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Whuppee

I am posting from my Wii. Awesome. Yeah, now Nintendo (may it live forever) has graciously agreed to give me the Internet Channel. This is really a test to see if it works.

(gasp)

You mean that this blog post was not designed to entertain and instruct like satirical works should? Duh. As you can see from the fact that I comment on my own blog, I am using this free website for my own devious purposes. Deal with it. If you want to see a blog that cares for your many needs, go to some stupid blog about Anne of Green Gables or something.

Monday, December 14, 2009

Dear Santa...

Here are my favorite Dear Santa letters I've found:

Dear Santa,

Gimme. Now.

Tiny, Timid, yet Tenacious
Tim



Dear Santa,

Hi. How are you doing?

Don't gimme that Jibba-Jabba, I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to myself. You don't deserve for me to write to you, I only wrote you this letter to waste your valuable time. While you stuff your face with everyone else's cookies you'll think back to this letter. Then maybe you'll have the New Years Resolution to lose weight. You fatty. I pity the foo.

From,
Mr. T
(That's the Grinch to you!)

Monday, December 7, 2009

Pokemon, what happened?

Many of you followers (all those people that bother to look at this obscure website) know I haven't posted Pokemon stuff for a while. That's 'cuz I'm working on a team for the coming 2010 world championship. Pretty much you're allowed two non-event legendaries on your team. I think all those Pokemon fans know EVERYONE will use Kyogre / Mewtwo. People will give Mewtwo Psychic, Ice Beam, Thunder and call it a brilliant strategy. Or, people will have Kyogre / Palkia. Kyogre would keep using Surf while Palkia does whatever it feels like, being safe with its x .25 resistance to water. That's my theory. It's either that or a Sunny Day party. Everyone would use Groudon with Earthquake, Eruption and maybe Solar Beam. Then everyone will use Typhlosion (Eruption), Ho-oh (Sacret Fire), and maybe a Moltres (Heat Wave). This party is predictable, but effective.

I have to think of ways to counter both of these parties. I was thinking about abusing Wobbuffet and his ability. I'll keep you posted (ha ha posted).

If you're expecting me to be a funny guy, forget it. I am clinically depressed. So much in fact, that I eat cheesy pretzel sticks. Yea, that's how desperat I am. I hate cheesy pretzel sticks. This sort of self-mutilation will only bring the end to me, or at the very least, cheesy barf.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Happy December

On the 1st day of Christmas
your true love gave to you

Blender treatment for yo face
(that's why you're ugly)

On the 2nd day of Christmas
your true love gave to you

Two smacks in yo face
(that's why you're ugly)

and blender treatment for yo face

On the third day of Christmas-

Wait a minute... I thought there was only one day in Christmas. Well, you're wrong. There are over 300 days in Christmas. You don't necessarily celebrate them all (ignoramus). I could bore you with a really long historical speech. And that's what I'm going to do.

In 1492 your face turned really blue. Then Marco ate some chicken and outraged the animal rights activists. So they called him Marco Polo (Pollo is the Spanish word for chicken). Then upon discovering his leather purse called him "Tinky Winky". This is the American word for "a giant purple creature that can't talk like a normal person and instead acts like a dipstick" Thus the word "Dipsy" was born. This was changed to "Dixie" by slang talk. Any fool would know that, but not everyone knows that Marco Polo hated noodles, especially Ramon noodles. So, Team Rocket was born to counter-act this historical figure. They blasted off again in 1776, when the constitution was made into a paper airplane and sent over to the contemporary British king of their time. Then, the king had to kick someone's butt. Unfortunately for Team Rocket, the king hates cats, so Meoth was kicked in the butt. This set off a chain reaction, releasing the dreaded Wobbuffet and killing all the British generals. That's why justGeorge Washington won the war, but lost the game.

That's about all. If you didn't want to read the entire paragraph, I can summarize it for you:
Marco Polo, Teletubbies, Noodles, Team Rocket, justGeorge Washington. The End.